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Kaatrin Mozhi

How to be a gangster like Genghis Khan

Friday, September 7, 2018 • Tamil Comments

A million badass men have lived and died on the surface of this earth. That first caveman who made giant beasts as his dinner to the recent ones who have wiped entire races of humanity. Men who were ruthless in their drive for power, ready to annihilate whatever came their way.

History looks back at these men with fear and reverence as their immortality seeps even into our tech-crazed world. Forget Khal Drogo, meet the Mayor of Badassville, cue drumroll- Genghis Khan, the founder and the first Great Khan of the Mongol empire.

So for people who want to replicate the Khan and become a certified badass like him, we’ve charted out the steps.

1. Get a great fearsome birth story. Popular legend tells us the Khan was born with a blood clot on his fist which was considered to be a sign of the bloodlust and power. So yes, before he uttered ‘papa’ people began fearing him. Get yourself a good scary story behind your birth and people will associate you with fear and respect.

2. Kill Your Brother. Okay, this might be a hard one. Of course, we grow up with sibling rivalries too. But Khan might have taken it a tad too seriously. He didn’t care if his brother Bekhtar was a nice chap or not. The story goes that once he refused Khan food. Then Khan killed him. Yea, getting to be the most feared men- needs stunts like this. The next time you bros fighting over some finger food, just share this fact jokingly with your bro and see the fear grow in his eyes for you.

3. Hide your identity. Nobody exactly knows how Khan looks like. Illustrations of him began cropping up only after his death. The fear of not knowing would sure have given way to exaggerated legends and scary tales about Khan. Psychological defeat even before facing Khan. What you can do is stop taking selfies, quit all social media and hide your face with creatively crafted masks. And wait till people refuse to look you in the eye.

4.Begin a whatsapp group . Khan is said to be the first one to have started postal service which enabled everyone to send letters and articles to their relatives across regions. Word is that Khan used more than 50000 horses for the purpose. You, on the other hand, have it easy- just start a WhatsApp family group and act as the mediator between relatives. As much as you want everyone to consider you a gangsta you gotta also earn their goodwill sometimes.

5. Get a nerd friend. Seriously. And you were thinking gangsters weren’t supposed to be seen along with them. When Genghis Khan was all about killing and annihilating folks, who do you guess came up with an insane idea to tax them instead: his nerd friend adviser called Yelu Chucai. So make it a priority to gave a nerd friend and consider that tough math homework done. Because gangsters have no time for stupid math.

 6. Get multiple girlfriends. Khan was not only a fierce ruler, but he also bedded many women as well. Khan thought that the strength of a man was determined by how much children he left behind. So much so that he is reported to have about 16 million direct descendants, and 350 million men have him as his ancestor. Okay, you can never beat his record but get a rap for yourselves as a ladies’ man. It’ll increase your repo in the streets as a gangsta.

Fun Fact: Shah Jahan who is known for Taj Mahal is a descendant of Genghis Khan.

7. Travel many places. Khan was known to have traversed many countries and continents like Europe, Asia, and that is why he was able to amass vast territories under his regime. Plus the travels would have helped him learn the art of people which makes him an effective leader. You can’t say with swag you’re a gangster when all you do is play Call of Duty all day long inside your room.

8.Respect talent. Once you become a thug, it is very common to get a soft spot for your friends, families, lovers etc. But Khan was a guy of solid character. Nobody in his army was able to move up the ranks just because they were from the royal blood. They had to impress Khan with talent. And when you appreciate talent around, people will respect you.

9. Plant more trees. Where the hell in the world is this article heading? Gangsters don’t plant saplings. They are badass. . planting trees must be the work of nursery kids and lame looking activists- well, why don’t you just shut up. His highness Genghis Khan helped the planet in the fight against global warming by killing at least 40 million people. Yes, his troops killed so many people that the temperature of the planet of lessened.  Now let’s get realistic, you can’t kill so many people but at least you could do your bit for a better environment by planting trees. You achieve the same without the loss of blood.

10. Turn enemies into your friends. This is a solid advice that is guaranteed to help you become more friendly and at the same time getting things done. Once Khan was shot by an enemy soldier in his neck. Guess what Khan gave him a place in his very own army. Later the soldier grew to the highest of ranks under Khan’s rule as a general.  A gangsta that is man enough to make a friend out of an enemy is a real gangsta!

And an end note: Follow the instructions at your own peril. Or don't: atleast now you know ten facts about the greatest gangsta of all time!