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10 Gym bros that you see in the gym (and wish you never had)

Saturday, April 6, 2019 • Common Comments
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Dwane 'The Rock' Johnson once said: Just shut up and work out*.

It's that time of the year again. Summer’s hitting hard. But a bunch of people are hitting harder. They are called… cue drum roll… the GYM BROS! A gym bro is defined as a human who consistently sweats it out in the gym. Forget dad-bods, he’s got the god-bod. They are in top shape and you really don't wanna mess with them.

However, we see a lot of fake, wannabe gym bros who don’t have a clue what they're doing but end up pissing off the true gym bros. We got eight types for you. If your gym has any one of them, turn the other way around and run!

'Baby' bro

He's usually skinny or lanky with a lost look on his face. You might be tempted to guide the novice to a body of godliness, but don't. It's up to the trainer to carve out a plan for him. Probably he saw Arnold in Commando last night and is false-hyped about bodybuilding.

Tip: Don't even acknowledge him.  

'Mirror' bro

Mirror bros are everywhere. A dangerous breed is the 'baby+mirror' bro combo. This message should be hammered into their heads: muscles don't grow just by flashing them at the mirror. And oh, 'Please leave way so I could use the machine!' works sometimes too.

Tip: If they irritate you much, throw chilli powder in their eyes while they're flexing before a mirror.

'Style' bro

He's an advanced version of 'mirror' bro. He's got this trainers, sneakers, gym bags, apparels, shades, bands, heart rate monitor, one wrapped around the waist, around the arms and around the neck even. He wears a baseball hat with a $ sign on it. His face is like plastic porcelain fresh from the spa. If you look too close, he may be even wearing a lip gloss too.

Tip: If you're a working gym bro you’ll probably never see him. ‘Style’ bros usually come to gym at 10 am to 12 pm.

'Pseudo-trainer' bro

He knows shit. But will end up giving you advice on how many reps you should do the moderate ab crunch before you warm to do the x number of real ab crunches. Did you understand the previous sentence? This is what it feels like when a ‘pseudo-bro’ gives you tips.

Tip: Don't make eye contact with 'pseudo-trainer' bros. If you do, then God help you.

'Bird-watching' bro

Well. At least once in a lifetime every gym bro has experienced it. Yeah sometimes it's 'curls for the girls'. Watching a hot girl working out in sweatpants just a few feet away might be a good enough reason for distraction, but really, get on with your curls. Standing still with a dumbbell in your arm with wide-opened mouth is something a gym bro would never do. At least not more than once in the same gym session.

Tip: Never entertain a 'bird-watching' bro. Focus on the weights. They are not gonna lift themselves.

'Shake' bro

Nope. we're not talking about Dubai sheikhs. We're talking about that guy who is 'more supplements' and 'less workouts'. 'More creatine' and 'less reps'. 'More protein shakes and less deadlifts'. Be with him as long as you want to be educated about your micros and macros. No more conversation allowed with him.

Tip: You can be friends with 'shake' bro if he gives you free shakes daily.

'Roid' bro

He's an advanced version of the shake bro. A dangerous version too. He's all jacked up, okay. But when he bends down for dead lifts you see two syringes filled with green fluid falling out of his butt pockets. RUN!

Tip: Steroids are the not the way to glory. Period.

'Talk' bro

He's the guy who talks 50 minutes and works out for 10 minutes in a one hour gym session. Avoid him like the plague. Forget gains if your lifting partner is a 'talk' bro.

Tip: Carry a big over the ear headphones to the gym. Let the world know you’re not there to talk.

'Grrr…' bro

He houls and growls. You've got your headphones on. But you can still hear him shouting out load for each rep he's doing. Even if you're at the far corner of the gym. Even when you step out of the gym into the traffic.

Tip: Use headphones with noise cancellation.

'Same' bro

This is the kind of guy who tells you that he’s been working out for years, but appears the same. If you take a before and after snap of this guy, he probably looks the same. On one hand we wonder how much dumb he is to not cut that fat around his hips for ten straight years. On the other, we’re amused how he’s able to maintain the same body for ten years, even if it’s a pathetic body.

Tip: You can pity him.
 

*The Rock never said it. We wish he had though. Tag your bros in the comments section and let us know what type of gym bro he is!
 

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